Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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