I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
