I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
