ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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