Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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