if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
