I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
