you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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