The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Watching her eat just hurts me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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