we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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