if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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