Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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