Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
