Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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