I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
