theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
