Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
