Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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