I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
