If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
