Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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