if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
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She tied me up with her honor cords...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
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I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize