I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
