adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
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151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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