i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
