well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
