It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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