This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
