I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
