it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
