Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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