yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
