Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.