I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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