What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
