he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
