i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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