it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
