grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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