Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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