Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
