Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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