community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
