just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
