i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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