What did we do last night that was yellow?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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