Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We are all done wearing pants today
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
