I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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