she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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