you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
