Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
