her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
