well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
