That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
