He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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