NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
