Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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