i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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