I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
