12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
